


Lord Hardwick

by BenSoloHands



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Blow Job, Crack, Cussing, F/M, Talking to Ben’s dick, rey is a little crazy, walkie talkie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:34:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29987793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BenSoloHands/pseuds/BenSoloHands
Summary: Based on a curious cat prompt:Rey talks to Ben’s cock like it’s a person. One day, it talks back.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 9
Kudos: 52
Collections: Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts)





	Lord Hardwick

“Well good morning my happy little man! How are we feeling today?” 

Ben groaned as he woke up from a deep sleep to the sound of Rey’s voice. She was doing it again…...talking to his damn dick. He looked down to see her kissing it through his boxers and patting its head while asking it fucking questions. 

“Did you sleep well my pretty little stud muffin? I slept ok although Ben did snore a lot last night.” Rey said as she stroked his shaft.

“Rey for the love of god I’m up here. My dick doesn’t have a fucking voice…..oh yeah keep doing that….but...ahhh...Rey we need to have a talk about you talking to my dick instead of me all the damn time.”

Rey pulled his cock out of his boxers and licked its swollen pink head. She thought she heard Ben say something in the background so she looked up to see he was awake.

“Oh hello Ben, I was just having my morning chat with Lord Hardwick here.” Rey replied as she wrapped her mouth around his length. 

“Ahhh...Rey ahh yeah right there...we really need to have that talk….oh fuck!” Ben moaned.

A few minutes later Ben exploded in Rey’s mouth and she swallowed him eagerly. 

“There now Lord Hardwick, do you feel better? Let’s go get some breakfast shall we?” Rey said as she grabbed Ben’s dick pulling him off the bed.

“AHHH Damn it Rey hold on! Let me relax a second before you try to take my damn dick off to have breakfast with it!” Ben yelled as she pushed her hand away and laid back down. 

“Oh sorry Ben! I just assumed Lord Hardwick was hungry! I will go start breakfast so you two relax.” She said as she bent down. Ben thought she was going to kiss him but she bypassed his face and kissed his dick instead. He looked at her in shock and raised his hands in the hair as he watched her leave the room to make breakfast.

“Ok this is getting ridiculous. I have to do something about this.” Ben said as he got out of bed to take a piss. 

Ben got dressed for work and walked into the dining room where Rey had breakfast already set out for them. 

“Well there’s my boys! I was wondering what was taking you so long. You better eat up before it gets cold.” Rey said as she motioned for Ben to sit next to her. 

“Rey there is only one of me! My dick has no feelings or a brain!” Ben said with frustration. Rey just ignored him and shoved some pancakes in her mouth. After they ate Ben stood up to grab his briefcase and coat. 

“Wait Ben!” Rey ran over to him and got down on her knees. She grabbed his cock without warning and gave it a kiss through his pants.

“You have a good day Lord Hardwick! I will see you tonight!” She said as she patted its head. Then she stood up just staring at him like she was waiting on him to walk out. 

“Seriously Rey, you're going to tell my dick goodbye but ignore me! This has got to stop!”

“Oh calm down Ben! Lord Hardwick needs to be looked after!” Rey said as she rubbed his shaft. Ben let out a loud growl as he grabbed Rey and shoved her against the wall kissing the shit out of her until she couldnt breath. 

Rey was panting like a beast and looked at Ben in shock.

“Like I said, I’m up here Rey. Think about that while I’m gone today.” Ben said as he smacked her ass and winked at her before he walked out the door. 

Rey stood there staring at the door with moist panties. 

  
  


“I’m telling you Poe, I have got to do something! All she does is talk to my damn dick instead of me! It's making me think she’s going insane! I mean I know I’m hung like a fucking horse and my cock is the prettiest in town but fuck! I can’t take much more of this!” Ben bitched at Poe as they ate lunch. Poe looked like he was coming up with a plan. He sat there in silence with his finger tapping his lips.

“I have an idea. I have a 2 way walkie talkie where I can hear what’s going on without pressing the button and it's small enough to hide in your pocket. How about the next time she talks to Lord Hardwick…..he responds back.” Poe said, winking at Ben.

“Holy shit Poe…..that's an idea!”

“I can disguise my voice. What kind of voice would you say your dick has? Pee Wee Herman? Darth Vader? Morgan Freeman? Fran Drescher? I can do them all!” Poe replied as he took a bite of his food.

“Well my dick definitely doesn’t sound like fucking Pee Wee Herman or Fran Drescher! I guess Darth Vader cause I know my dick has a deep manly voice.” Ben said with a smirk on his gorgeous face. 

“You also need to pretend you don't hear my voice responding back to Rey. We need to make her think she’s going nuts so she will stop talking to your damn dick.” Poe said as they walked over to throw their lunch into the trash. 

“What if she starts sucking my dick or something does that mean you will be able to fucking listen in cause I dont know about that shit.” Ben asked as they walked back to their desks. 

“Technically yes but I can control the walkie from my end with the online remote.” Poe said as he pulled the device out of his desk and handed it to Ben.

“Why the hell do you keep this in your desk at work?” Ben asked, examining the device. 

“Hey, you never know when you will need to spy on somebody!” Poe said pointing at Ben.

“God you're a creep.” Ben said as he put the device in his pocket. 

  
  


That evening Rey was working late at Han’s garage so Ben had time to get his dick voice set up.

“Testing. Testing 1 2 3 Dick voice come in, are you there?” Ben said as he bent down to talk to his crotch. 

“Dick voice is here! Loud and clear!” Darth Vader replied. 

“Damn Poe you weren’t kidding about being able to do a Vader voice.” Ben said to his dick.

“It's a computer program Ben. I will be listening for Rey. Over and Out.” Poe replied.

“10-4.” Ben replied as he sat down on the couch with his TV dinner. 

About an hour later Rey walked in the door…...and of course walked straight over to Ben getting on her knees in front of him. 

“Hello Lord Hardwick! How was your day my pretty pole?” Rey said as she nuzzled his crotch with her nose. Ben rolled his eyes and hoped Poe was listening. 

“It was wonderful Rey! How was yours?” The booming voice of Vader replied. Ben could hardly keep from laughing.

Rey’s eyes got as big as Ben’s balls as she jumped up and backed away. 

“Ben…..did you hear that?” 

“Oh so now you're talking to me? Hear what?” He asked as he changed the channel on the tv. 

“Um, Lord Hardwick….I could swear he replied to me.”

“Rey are you feeling ok?” Ben asked as he got up and placed his hand on her forehead.

“I did reply to you Rey. I have been thinking of you all day! I missed you!” Lord Hardwick replied. 

“FUCK!” Rey yelled as she ran away from Ben.

“Rey what’s wrong??? Do I stink or something?” Ben asked as he ran after her trying to contain his laughter.

“Um….no…..I just keep hearing things. I think I will get some booze.” Rey said as she made a mad dash for the liquor cabinet. 

“Have you had dinner yet Rey? Cause I would love to have dinner with you!” Lord Hardwick replied. Rey spun around looking at Ben’s crotch in horror. 

“Um ….. no I haven't had dinner, I was about to heat up some leftover chicken wings.” Rey replied as the whiskey glass in her hand started to shake in fear. 

“What did you say Rey?” Ben asked, acting as if he didn’t hear a damn thing. 

“Um...nothing I’m just going to heat up some wings.” She said making her way to the kitchen.

“I can’t wait Rey!” Lord Hardwick replied. Rey squeezed her whiskey glass, almost breaking it. She heated her wings up then made her way to the couch to sit next to Ben. 

“Oh hell yes wings! Can I have one?” Ben asked as he grabbed one off of her plate. Rey growled at him and snatched it back.

“You know I don't share food Ben!” She hissed at him. 

“What about me Rey? Can I have one?” Lord Hardwick asked. 

“No! And Stop talking to me!” Rey yelled at Ben’s dick.

“What the hell Rey? I didn’t say anything! Are you sure you're ok?” Ben asked, still playing along. 

“Ben…...I think I’m losing my mind. I keep hearing your cock respond to me!” Rey said with tears in her eyes. Ben started to feel bad because she was about to cry but he had to keep going to put an end to this. 

“Maybe you're just tired Rey. Also it's not healthy talking to my dick instead of me all the time anyway. Maybe you need to stop talking to it all together and actually talk to my damn face.” Ben said with some heat in his voice. He was tired of this shit. 

“You don't want to talk to me anymore Rey?! But…..I will be so sad! We have so much history together! The inside of your mouth! The inside of your pussy! Your hands! How will I go on??” Lord Hardwick replied. 

“Ok Poe watch it.” Ben thought to himself. 

“No No it's not that Lord Hardwick! I love you!” Rey cried getting on her knees to talk to Ben’s lap. 

“Then why Rey! How will I go on! How do I live without youuuuu? I want toooo knoooow! How do I breathe without youuuuuu?!” Ben’s dick sang to Rey in an awful tone deaf voice. 

Ben almost lost it.

“No don't be sad Lord Hardwick! I think I need to talk to my actual boyfriend’s face…...and not just his glorious dick straight from the heavens.” Rey said as she looked up at Ben beaming at him.

Holy shit Poe’s dumbass idea was working! He would have to buy him lunch tomorrow. Ben thought to himself. 

“Your right Rey. I think Ben would like for you to talk to him and not just to me. Don't worry though, I will always be here to take care of your tight pussy.” Lord Hardwick replied.

“Ok Poe stop talking about my woman’s pussy.” Ben mumbled. 

“What was that Ben?” Rey asked, looking confused.

“Oh...I said ok Hoe stop talking so I can get inside your pussy!” Ben cringed after he blurted that out. Rey was going to kick his ass. 

“Oh my god Ben…...that is sooooo hot! Yes I want you inside me now!” Rey yelled as she ripped his shirt off. Buttons flying across the room taking out a few potted plants. 

“Ok I guess this is my que to go now! Goodbye Rey! I will enjoy being inside you!” Lord Hardwick replied. 

Rey wasn’t even listening to Ben’s dick anymore as she started tearing her clothes off. Ben reached into the pocket when she turned around to take off her pants and pulled out the walkie talkie. He turned it off and hid it inside the couch cushion. 

Rey was on him like white on rice for the next 4 hours. 

The next morning when Ben sat down at his desk he was smiling like a bitch and humming a tune. Poe looked over at him and gave him a high fucking five. 

“I told you it would work!” Poe yelled as Ben handed him back is walkie talkie. 

“Yeah I can’t believe it. She said goodbye to my acutal fucking face this morning and she didn’t ask my dick if it wanted butter on its toast! I’m taking your ass out for lunch today Poe!” Ben said as he beamed at him. 

“Hell yes buddy!” Poe said, slamming his fist on his desk. 

“One thing Poe….” Ben said as he put his hand on his shoulder.

“What’s that Ben?”

“Don't ever talk about my girl’s pussy again.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
